I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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