her facebook's as public as her vagina
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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