went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
