Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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