I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize