My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
