I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
