So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
