A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
