Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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