the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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