I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
