Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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