oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
