PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
