He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
