This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize