4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
