Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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