OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
