alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
