And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
