I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
