he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
