Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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