my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
