not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
