is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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