I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
