I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
