NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
