just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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