My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
