there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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