Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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