and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
