Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
