But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
