If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
