My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
