I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
