K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
