i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
