i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
