i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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