He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
