My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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