It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They took my balls.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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