I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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