the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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