I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
