a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
