i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
