My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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