Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
