I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
