I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
