I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
