Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
