I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
