maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
