Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
