Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize