Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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