had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize